by Jeffery Saunders
We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves
after a trip that no one can take for us or spare us.
Marcel Proust
We are born Winners. We are trained to be Losers. Losers (put underwater) themselves in the Control Drama Triangle, in which they have been coached, usually from childhood. It is worth describing how we can find ourselves stuck in the Control Drama Triangle, because if we are to be a Winner and gave power to/permitted, then we must be alert to what stops us from being that.
In order to avoid living your life (even if only occasionally) as a Victim, Rescuer, or Enemy, you will have to be decided to stay out of this triangle. We find ourselves caught in these roles when we feel betrayed, hurt, angry (because of mistreatment), angry or embarrassed (in front of many people) by bosses, people (who take care of people), partners or significant others. While it may seem like we are stuck with whatever emotions we feel about certain people, this is a fiction. No matter what we've been through, had done to us, or done to others, we can clear our past and move on.
Behaviours rooted in the Control Drama Triangle will never lead to a life of happiness or (getting or giving power). A person caught in this relationship triangle will find themselves swinging from one to the other of these roles, most probably (focusing on doing one thing very well) in one of them. Certainly, the behaviours connected with this triangle of behavioural choices will not lead to personal (getting or giving power) and a Winner (way of living)
A Victim is someone who is not successfully dealing with life, either by inviting others to (have power taken away) him/her, accidentally/(in an unknowing way) being (had power taken away), or giving up power. We are not talking about a real/honest victim here, such as someone who is run over by a car. We are referring to mental or emotional Victims, people who don't or won't take control of their happiness and pre-planned future. Either this person has given up on supporting themselves to make something of their life, or they are allowing others to control, control/move around/mislead, overwhelm, or force them into thoughts, beliefs, emotions or actions they would be better off without. Even though on the surface a person may dislike having their life controlled by another, often childhood conditioning, and possibly certain adult relationships, set people up for a life of powerlessness.
Typical Victim behaviours include avoidance, withdrawing powerlessly from others or situations, dishonesty, ignoring problems or situations needing dealing with, thinking negatively about life or oneself, quiet moving around/misleading and tricking, delaying working, or avoidance of personal responsibility. Winners would never allow such behaviours to rule their life. A Winner will learn from what goes wrong, or mistakes they make. We all make mistakes, but Winners are decided to learn how not to repeat them, and how to benefit from bad experiences.
A Victim reacts to their life.
A Winner creates their life.
Control dramas are energy sapping, and it is by saving energy that we develop personal power. And by developing personal power, we can enter worlds of experience that the average person never accesses.
We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves
after a trip that no one can take for us or spare us.
Marcel Proust
We are born Winners. We are trained to be Losers. Losers (put underwater) themselves in the Control Drama Triangle, in which they have been coached, usually from childhood. It is worth describing how we can find ourselves stuck in the Control Drama Triangle, because if we are to be a Winner and gave power to/permitted, then we must be alert to what stops us from being that.
In order to avoid living your life (even if only occasionally) as a Victim, Rescuer, or Enemy, you will have to be decided to stay out of this triangle. We find ourselves caught in these roles when we feel betrayed, hurt, angry (because of mistreatment), angry or embarrassed (in front of many people) by bosses, people (who take care of people), partners or significant others. While it may seem like we are stuck with whatever emotions we feel about certain people, this is a fiction. No matter what we've been through, had done to us, or done to others, we can clear our past and move on.
Behaviours rooted in the Control Drama Triangle will never lead to a life of happiness or (getting or giving power). A person caught in this relationship triangle will find themselves swinging from one to the other of these roles, most probably (focusing on doing one thing very well) in one of them. Certainly, the behaviours connected with this triangle of behavioural choices will not lead to personal (getting or giving power) and a Winner (way of living)
A Victim is someone who is not successfully dealing with life, either by inviting others to (have power taken away) him/her, accidentally/(in an unknowing way) being (had power taken away), or giving up power. We are not talking about a real/honest victim here, such as someone who is run over by a car. We are referring to mental or emotional Victims, people who don't or won't take control of their happiness and pre-planned future. Either this person has given up on supporting themselves to make something of their life, or they are allowing others to control, control/move around/mislead, overwhelm, or force them into thoughts, beliefs, emotions or actions they would be better off without. Even though on the surface a person may dislike having their life controlled by another, often childhood conditioning, and possibly certain adult relationships, set people up for a life of powerlessness.
Typical Victim behaviours include avoidance, withdrawing powerlessly from others or situations, dishonesty, ignoring problems or situations needing dealing with, thinking negatively about life or oneself, quiet moving around/misleading and tricking, delaying working, or avoidance of personal responsibility. Winners would never allow such behaviours to rule their life. A Winner will learn from what goes wrong, or mistakes they make. We all make mistakes, but Winners are decided to learn how not to repeat them, and how to benefit from bad experiences.
A Victim reacts to their life.
A Winner creates their life.
Control dramas are energy sapping, and it is by saving energy that we develop personal power. And by developing personal power, we can enter worlds of experience that the average person never accesses.
No comments:
Post a Comment